I am a lazy mom. Yes, lazy. Also selfish and reckless.
Because I want my children to be independent, proactive and responsible.
And for this, it is necessary to provide the child with the opportunity to manifest these qualities. And you don’t even have to strain your imagination to artificially create situations that require independence, if the supervising adult (this is mom or grandmother) has other interests besides the child.
I will now express a seditious thought for most mothers: the child should not be in the first place. My first place is me. Because if I now devote my life to children, I will live by their interests, then how can I let them go in 10-16 years from me? How will I live without them? How will I fill the void? How can I resist the temptation to interfere in their lives and “make happy”? And how will they be without me, accustomed to what their mother thinks, does and decides for them?
During the period of work in kindergarten, I observed many examples of parental overprotection. One three-year-old boy was especially memorable. Anxious parents believed that he must always eat everything. And then he will lose weight. (I don’t know, it’s probably very scary in their value system ... Then I caught myself thinking that I didn’t know the body weight of my children. After my one year old, this didn’t interest me) .
I don’t know how they fed him at home, but he came to kindergarten with a clear loss of appetite. He mechanically chewed and swallowed everything put on his plate. Moreover, he had to be fed, because "he still does not know how to eat" (!).
I feed him on the first day, I observe the absence of emotions on his face. I bring a spoon - opens his mouth, chews, swallows. I must say that the cook in our garden especially often fails to make porridge. Many children this time refused to eat porridge (and I understand them perfectly) , Slavik almost finished eating.
I ask: "Do you like porridge?". “No,” he opens his mouth, chews, swallows. “Do you want more?” I offer a spoon. “No,” he opens his mouth, chews, swallows. "If you don't like it, don't eat it!"
Slavik's eyes widened in surprise. He did not know that this was possible… At first, Slavik enjoyed the right to refuse food and drank only compote. And then he began to eat the dish he liked with the addition and calmly pushed the plate with the unloved one. And then we stopped spoon-feeding Slavik. And he began to eat himself. Because food is a natural need. And a hungry child will eat himself. I am a lazy mom. I stopped feeding my child in a year, handing him a spoon. A fork later he demanded himself.
Another natural need is "to relieve the need." Slavik was urinating in his pants. Slavik's mother responded to our bewilderment with a recommendation to take the child to the toilet by the hour. “I always put him on the pot myself at home and keep him on the pot until he does all the work.”
That is, a three-year-old child was expecting that they would also take him to the toilet and persuade him to pee, without waiting for his pants to get wet, and he didn’t even know to change, take off these wet pants, ask for help from a teacher. If parents anticipate all the desires of the child, the child does not learn to want and ask for help ... A week later, the problem of wet pants was solved in a natural way. “I want to pee!”, Slavik proudly announced to the group, heading to the toilet bowl.
In kindergarten, all children begin to eat on their own, go to the toilet on their own, dress on their own, invent activities for themselves, seek help, solve their problems. I do not urge to give their children to kindergarten as early as possible. On the contrary, I think that at home until 3-4 years old the child is better. I'm talking about a reasonable upbringing, in which the child is not strangled with overprotection and leaves him space for development, for the manifestation of free will.
Once a friend came to visit me with a 2-year-old child. At 21.00 she went to put him to bed. The child did not want to sleep, became stubborn, struggled, but his mother insistently kept him in bed. “In my opinion, he doesn’t want to sleep yet” (It’s natural, he recently came, there are children, new toys) , but his friend persisted in putting him to sleep ... The confrontation lasted more than an hour. In the end, the child did fall asleep.
Following him, my child fell asleep. When he was tired, he crawled into his bed and fell asleep. I am a lazy mom. I'm too lazy to pack. And it's a pity to spend an hour of your time holding a child in bed. I know that sooner or later he will fall asleep on his own, because sleep is a natural need.
On weekends, I like to sleep long hours. Today I woke up at about 11. My son, 2.5 years old, was sitting and watching a cartoon, chewing a gingerbread. He turned on the TV himself, he also found a DVD with his favorite cartoon. He also found corn flakes and kefir. And, judging by the scattered cereal, spilled yogurt and a dirty plate in the sink, he had already had breakfast.
And the eldest (he is 8) is no longer at home. Yesterday he took time off with a friend to the cinema (naturally, a friend goes with his parents, I know both a friend and his parents - otherwise I would not have let him go) . I am a lazy mom. I said that I was too lazy to get up so early. And if he wants to go to the cinema, then let him set his own alarm and get ready. You must have not slept...
And I’m also too lazy to check my briefcase, sambo backpack, dry his things after the pool and do homework with him. And I'm too lazy to take out the garbage, so my son throws out the garbage on the way to school. And I also have the audacity to ask my son to make me tea and bring it to the computer. I suspect that every year I will become lazier ...
An amazing metamorphosis happens to children when a grandmother comes to us. And since she lives far away, she comes immediately for a week. The elder immediately forgets that he knows how to do his homework, warm up his lunch, make a sandwich, pack a bag and go to school in the morning. And even falling asleep alone is afraid. Grandma should be next to you!
Children are infantile if it is beneficial for adults.
Karina.
18/10/2014 at 20:10
Surprisingly, I recognized myself - I am also extremely lazy and give the child a sea of \u200b\u200bfreedom, he can stay in the house for the elder and look after his grandmother, bring her water to wash, drink, heat food in the microwave, etc. He is 6 years old, from the age of 4 he goes to the store with my notes for groceries and other things. He told me at the age of 4 that I was already old and he would go to the store himself. Can collect dry laundry from the clothesline, on his own initiative, pour and put the kettle on the fire, turn off the food on the stove. In the summer, in the courtyard of the house, I built a house with a friend from the remnants of bricks and boards. And the other day I surprised me - we were walking along the sidewalk, and he suddenly knelt down and kissed my hand, constantly gives me wild flowers, dandelions in the summer. Dad never did it, I never talked about it either. Here is such a little gentleman growing up in a family without a father.