Complexes of teenagers - where do the "legs" grow from?

There is hardly a girl who at least sometime has not visited the thought: "They don't like me because my appearance is not good enough." At the same time, no matter what compliments girlfriends, peers and parents say, no matter how they console, the feeling that you have ugly legs (arms, chest hair .... the list can be continued indefinitely) does not leave, and longing for this only amplifies immensely...

For example, here are lines from a letter from 14-year-old Sveta:

“Everything in my life is excellent at first glance: the boys do not bypass me, I am an excellent student, there is money in the family, I am long-legged, tall, pretty (I don’t think so, but others say so).” Everything seems to be enough, but here is the other side of my life: I consider myself a freak, which the world has never seen. All my friends and everyone around me consider me perfect: beautiful, smart, and even with money. It would be something to envy!

Why such a contradiction? The same Light writes:

“I had a boyfriend, he traded me for his peers. I am 2 years younger than him. Bottom line: I'm a dystrophic unfinished youngster.

This letter is the best way to show what a girl is going through when she is deprived of attention. The first response feeling is that something is wrong in me, in my body, otherwise I would not be disappointed in relationships with peers. It seems that if it were not for the legs (or other parts of the body), I could be close to the ideal, everyone would admire me, love me - and I would be happy. And it doesn’t matter anymore whether you have long or short legs, a large or small bust, because whatever it is, it is still not perfect, since nothing is perfect in nature.

The ideal exists only in the imagination and is called so because in reality it cannot exist. We come up with the ideal in order to embody our unrealized desires in it. Therefore, no matter how many compliments we receive, it does not help to cope with feelings of inferiority. After all, a girl looks at herself with perfect eyes, she needs support and high appreciation of a fictional “ideal” creature, and not an ordinary person, no matter how pleasant and significant he may be. In such a situation, it is difficult to correlate different ideas about oneself. It is difficult to connect how a girl perceives herself now, with what she would like to be and what others see or want to see her. And this, of course, is a stumbling block for almost everyone.

“I am very shy of my body,” Luda writes. I have absolutely no figure, I am flat (at the hips) and thin. Besides, I have very crooked legs, and I have a slightly pretty face, so I'm popular with guys, but I can't understand what they see in me! And I don’t think that anyone will want me ... "

The complexity of the experience described here is due to the fact that there is a certain contradiction between how a girl sees herself and how others perceive her. It turns out to be very difficult to find sympathy and understanding for one's feelings of inferiority. On the one hand, this is sad, and many, as in the above example, write that they do not understand why they are paid attention to, why others still like them if they are such “freaks”. On the other hand, no girl will say that she is upset by the interest of boys. In this sense, the lack of sympathy is rather pleasing.

Such contradiction is a natural phenomenon. Everyone has to deal with it. It often happens that a mother responds to her daughter's experience about thinness in this way: “Lord, I would have her problems! Everything is with her, but she is still dissatisfied with something. Many women would only envy you! It is often difficult for a mother to understand why her daughter is crying, because she has other problems. With normal development, all girls gradually part with fear: “No one will ever want me, because I am very thin (or, conversely, fat).”

Complexes of teenagers - where do the "legs" grow from?

But why are bodily complexes so relevant in adolescence? Why do almost everyone not sleep at night and suffer about this?

Beginning at the age of 11, on average, a girl's life undergoes big changes. These changes are largely related to physiological changes. The girl gradually turns into a girl, and this, of course, is accompanied by the fact that her body becomes different. New sensations appear, and with it new feelings and a new attitude towards oneself. And the new, as you know, very often scares. It seems that not only you are changing, but the whole world around is changing. The question arises: how will others perceive me, now a different person? Previously, it was clear how to behave, and the boys didn’t really bother, but now I want them to like it, to charm them. Everything begins to be perceived with particular acuteness, including one's own body.

Another trap that a girl has to face is an attempt to simplify everything, to reduce all problems to one thing, for example, to bodily imperfection. This helps to survive the difficulties of communication, since (in a sense) it relieves you of responsibility, allows you to be passive and only hope for outside help. After all, what can be done if the legs are very long ?!

Here is a letter from one girl:

"I am fifteen years old. I have a very big problem. I have very long legs and I'm very tall, even though I'm only in eighth grade. I am above everyone, and everyone humiliates me. Advise me what to do with my stupid growth. Ask!!!"

It's amazing, but long legs and high growth are the standard of female beauty in our society. This only confirms that in this case, as, indeed, in many others, the point is not at all in appearance, but again in self-attitude. By the way, many beauties suffer from unrequited love and complain about an unhappy life. If a girl herself cannot appreciate herself, then no one will appreciate her. As you know, if you don’t love yourself, no one will love you. Although this formula is often used in an ironic context, it contains great wisdom: others treat us the way we treat ourselves. If a girl thinks that she is being humiliated because of her high growth, this means that she herself treats her height with disdain and thereby provokes a similar attitude towards herself from others.

The reason for our bodily complexes lies not in physical flaws, but in psychological problems associated with self-rejection. Therefore, in order to cope with difficulties, you need to try to change your attitude towards yourself, learn to appreciate yourself for who you are, and then. others will also begin to appreciate and respect you.

What measures can we take so that the thought: “I am not loved; That's why. that my appearance is not good enough, ”is no longer ruining our lives?

First, you need to deprive this thought of its inherent power. To do this, it is good to assume at least for a moment that not all of my problems are related to appearance. This will help to move away from the annoying thought and will be the first step in the fight against the complex.

Then it is worth asking the question of what I generally need from the people with whom I communicate and whom I like. This will help broaden your perspective. You will be able to see something in yourself that you didn’t notice before and that will be much more important than the shape of your chest or the length of your legs. In light of this, the complex will also lose some of its strength.

Thirdly, you should try to look at yourself through the eyes of another person and see yourself as a whole, without snatching out of your image individual features that are of little interest to anyone. To make this easier, first pay attention to how you perceive others, what is most important to you, what you don’t like about peers, and what, on the contrary, attracts. Remember that the boys and girls around you are made of the same dough as you, they are tormented by problems very similar to yours, and on this basis you can find mutual understanding.

And fourth, and most importantly. Never forget that people treat you the way you treat yourself. Your main enemy is yourself and your attitude towards yourself. As long as you doubt your value and significance, bodily complexes will spoil your life.

Try to change yourself. Let your own appearance become creative material for you. Try to find a style of clothing that would best emphasize your dignity. Make sure that your appearance matches your inner world as much as possible. Then you can be natural, and this is what most of all disposes people, makes communication simple and easy. In everything, even in shortcomings, you can find its charm. They make the appearance unique, you can even fall in love with them. You just need to want to see the good in the bad, and the positive in the negative, and life will sparkle with new colors.

If we take this as a rule, then there will be no trace of the complexes. Take the first step and you will feel it yourself!