Questions and answers of the psychologist: Was there a boy?

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. I have a girlfriend. We've been together for six months. I am constantly tormented by thoughts of her ex. She had 4 sexual partners, and I had 2. I don’t know what to do, we have quarrels on this topic. Help in solving the problem. Thank you in advance! Artem

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Artem!

No matter how we are told about male nature and physiology, but a man, as you know, is also a man and, accordingly, nothing human is alien to him. You have a classic story of how two lovers will first tell each other what and how they had before they met, and then they themselves do not know how to live with it. Surely, you were the initiator of that very cherished question: dear, how many men did you have before me? (In any case, I think that your girlfriend announced to you not from the threshold when she came home: you know, I want to tell you something). Sweetheart, as expected, tried to evade the answer, but your persistence still forced her to confess. And, oh, horror, you didn’t hear what you wanted at all ... I wonder what hurt you the most in the number “4”: the fact that she had so many partners, or that you had fewer of them? Can you honestly answer this question for yourself?

Then let me ask you questions. For what purpose did you inquire? And on the basis of what exactly do you have conflicts now?

I think that such questions relate precisely to the area where, the less you know, the more soundly you sleep. But, since the girl told you, without being cunning, what is the problem now? After all, she could hide and you would never know how many there were in fact.

It seems to me that conflicts occur on the basis of the fact that no, no, yes, in the process of communication and remind her, maybe as a joke, maybe as a reproach, which naturally causes a storm of indignation in response. So if both of you are offended by such conversations, isn't it easier to agree on mutual respect and give the floor to each other that under any circumstances and scandals you will never raise this topic again?! The word, of course, must be kept. And then the question will be settled! Just pretend you don't know and don't think about it again.

In principle, I don’t see a problem, because if you don’t remind each other what happened at the dawn of his youth, then there will be no reason for resentment on this topic!

And if you don’t raise this topic at all, and conflicts are connected with understatement (everyone understands what the other is silent about), then maybe it’s worth discussing and coming to a mutually satisfying solution? After all, in the end, if you feel good together, does it matter who has how many “former”? It was "before", not "during" ...

Believe in yourself and be yourself!

Good luck!