There is a way out of any life situation, but sometimes it is very difficult to find it. As well as a sober look at things and a critical attitude to their behavior or the behavior of others. It is in such cases that professional psychologists will come to the rescue and help solve the problem.
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Dmitriy
21/07/2011 at 16:58
Hello.
My wife and I have been living for 20 years. When we met, I knew that she had a boyfriend and they were in a relationship. When we decided to get married, I warned her that it happened, you won’t communicate with him, it hurts me.
Throughout our lives, five times she reminded me of her past, told me that she had never loved him and hated him. It turned out that she lied to me all her life, because 3.5 years ago she was looking for him in classmates, when I asked why, she said that she was bored, and at that time I was on a business trip.
We had a fight, she apologized, said not to happen again, I believed her and we have a son who was 13 years old at that time, I didn’t want to destroy the family, although it hurt me a lot, I consider this a betrayal and a lie. The same thing happened a year later. We have small financial problems, as they say, we have enough to live on, we rent an apartment and eat well. We have been living in Europe for only 4 years and you know that the crisis here, as they say, is not without problems, and I believe that she had no right to look for him to ask for a loan that I do not need, especially from him. I think By doing this, she thereby humiliated me once again and alienated me even further from herself, and she already proved to me that this was her closest friend and even said she didn’t have a closer person. I endured this for the sake of the child, but I can’t stand it anymore, because she doesn’t think that she did the right thing, she is rude from time to time and doesn’t want to change.
I decided to divorce her, with her boorish attitude, at the moment I have before my eyes her past, which I hate, I don’t stop thinking about it for a minute, and I can’t forgive her, because she didn’t even
realize what a spiritual she brought me pain, and she knows how I feel about it,
it seems to me that she doesn’t care.
Should she feel guilty towards me for what she did and at least change a little in her attitude towards me.
It seems to me that she not only doesn’t love me, she doesn’t even respect me, at every opportunity, she says all sorts of nonsense about
me, although I never played on her feelings, she has nothing to reproach me with.
Please advise me what to do, except for a divorce, nothing comes to mind, I think she lied to me all my life, how can I forgive this. Thank you in advance. Best regards, Dmitry.
Ksenia
13/10/2011at 11:52
Hello,. I am 28 years old. I don't have a personal life. While analyzing my relationships with men, I realized what my problem was. I fear, dislike and despise men. The beginning is from childhood. My mother raised me without a father. She had a relationship with a married man, from whom she gave birth to me. I haven't even seen a photo of him. To my urgent requests to tell about him, she spoke about him in general, and ALWAYS said why do you need him? well without it. That is, she deprived me of communication with my father, who did not care about me. Secondly, at school, the boys called me fat and stuff like that, offended me. Having matured, I took up my figure, image - from a fat, ugly girl turned into a beauty, this is without undue modesty. But you see, some pain and resentment towards men remained in my soul. Relations with them do not add up. I do not expect anything good from them, only filth and meanness. They disappoint me. Know what to expect and get? But how to deal with it? Sometimes I ask myself the question - why do I need them, and without them it’s good, that is, I repeat the words of my mother. And just get scared! I consider my character quite energetic, purposeful, I am confident in myself, but there are no worthy men around. How to deal with this problem? Is it really that deep?
Yulianna
28/10/2011 at 23:47
Mom is acting weird. It has always been like this for as long as I can remember. Like a teenager aged 13-14. Before, it was even interesting, I liked it. Now a young man has appeared. He is 8 years older. And it started to get stressful. On this subject, she does not speak. He just translates, or again he starts laughing. It seems that friends communicate better with her than with me. They divorced their father precisely because he did not like this frivolity. Etz 36, it's time to grow up. And become a mother, not a teenage girl. How to make her understand? And what is it anyway? Ordinary people don't act like this.
Antonina Golomb
06/11/2011 at 22:43
Hello!
I have a very big problem. I am 17 years old and live with my grandmother. My parents divorced when I was 11. I lived with my mother, moved out from my grandmother to an apartment. Mom moved to another country a year ago. I had to move in with my grandmother. She provides for me. The father pays for the education. The mother is not yet working. Now I entered the university, I live in another city 5 days a week. Everything would be fine if not for my grandmother. She is 60 years old, works as an elementary school teacher… When I am at home, she beats me, runs after me with a knife, curses constantly. She talks to herself .. And she doesn’t even talk, but through her teeth I hear only obscenities .. Cursed her simply terrifying. Any mentally healthy person would not say such a thing… He wants everything inside of me to rot, fall out.. To be raped with bottles, etc. Before the last New Year, she went to the police, wrote a statement against me ... Now she is threatening again. I don’t do anything like that .. I didn’t give a reason to think of myself as a girl of easy virtue ... And she screams at me that I’m a prostitute, that I sleep with everyone .. I constantly have an older man who forces me to sleep with him .. I don’t know what to do. I can’t leave and not communicate with her. she provides me. Go to work the same way.. University. I tried to talk to my parents, they didn't help. It’s impossible to find a common language with her .. I try to talk, everything seems to be fine, and the next day everything that she said to me spits out in my face ... Maybe it’s some kind of illness?
It is simply impossible to live with her ... She doesn’t want to go to a psychologist .. She is very good with everyone, no one would have thought that she was like that at home .. Please tell me what to do with this .. How to get out of this situation? I've been crying all night, I'm afraid to go crazy myself ... Thank you in advance for your answer and advice. Best regards, Antonina
shop-ultra
10/11/2011 at 17:46
Dear Antonina, your situation is truly depressing and terrible!
No matter how scary it is, you will have to show courage and talk to your parents again, after all, they are your support and support. And, of course, you should think about your own earnings. Yes, you study, but how many students study and work at the same time. At least try to find a job that can support you. Ask the university about the possibility of getting a hostel. Yes, you can write a statement to the police about your grandmother yourself, but this will not solve the problem that you have nothing to live on.
If you think that your parents will not believe you, record a conversation with your grandmother on your phone, since modern mobile devices allow this. But still, I think you'll have to learn to take care of yourself.
Edward
12/12/2011 at 19:28
Hello psychologists. The thing is, I can't take it anymore. I am 16 years old, I understand you will say that I have not yet matured, but this is not so. My problem is shyness and the importance of someone's opinion, I think. "social phobia" only associated with the communication of girls. In early childhood, I had complexes, constantly humiliated myself, and others too ... Six months ago, I was looking for a solution to this problem, I re-read a bunch of articles, tips, but I still can’t overcome myself. For example. I’m walking down the street, I want to ask the time, I’m already getting ready, the thought arises that it will be somehow stupid, but it’s necessary, and again indecision takes possession of me. Let's start with the fact that I did not have a single girlfriend. It's not that I'm complaining, it's that I'm suffering because of it. Now I fall in love at first sight. Imagine - I'm riding in a transport, some nice girl looked into my eyes, and that's it, this feeling of touching, hugging, saying something pleasant. And I'm still insecure in relationships with girls, shy, I don't know how to be. At first he tried to love himself - he achieved nothing but pride. Everyone tells me that I'm cute cool, tall. only inside I can’t control myself, I’m too afraid of girls, but they are all so beautiful. I walk around the city and give compliments to every passer-by girl in my thoughts. Many want to provoke me into an acquaintance or a conversation, but I am shy, I don’t know how to act. with family and friends, I feel calm, I can laugh, tell something. but with a beautiful girl I want to stay, hug her. absorb all its beauty. I want to find one who will look at me and I would always be with her, until death. eh... I'm just trying to figure out who's needed right now. what should I do, how to be, what advice you give, I am tormented, the more you tell me or give me advice, I will be sincerely grateful. I am always boring, gloomy, sad, no one is interested in me, there is nothing to talk about. I beg you, please, give some exercises, and as simply as possible, my heart is so heavy. Please help me, because my life depends on your advice, and thank you ...
Diana
18/02/2012 at 11:05
I've been dating a guy for 3 years. everything is very bad. just fights. he hit him once in the face. some deceptions from his efforts. We tried to part, nothing came out. Time passed, I called and wrote about the meeting, agreed ... we met, we faced off and again for a while. it was also such that he asked for a meeting, but less often. I don’t know what to do, I was very tired. with him for 3 years together, he is completely dear to me, without him I became very unmagicable and take it off badly. I also tried to talk heart to heart, nothing comes out. I am always to blame for him, but he has not been guilty of anything for 2 years now. It pisses me off, I don't know what he imagined. and I can’t get upset (before, I felt I really saw that he needed me .. that he was afraid to lose me, he admitted somehow piles of mistakes he apologized for making amends. he was afraid to lose me .. right now I’m glad that I’m not walking and I don’t call ... I don’t know what’s going on, he says that he loves everything is the same. but when he says something and I want to seem right in his eyes, I see rage .. anger and cruelty. what can some measure help to do. completely different ... he admitted that he was already staring at other girls, but in terms of supposedly not dating them, but just like a person. I don’t know, I don’t believe him, he hurts me very much ... these pushing fights are boring .. and his indifference to the stone. when I cry he just looks at me even unsatisfactorily and proves to himself when a loved one feels bad .. how can I not panema ((( PLEASE HELP !!! I have left for 4 days now I have not written or called him .. what should I do?
Dmitriy
02/26/2012 at 12:52 pm
Good day,
Please answer, at least briefly, otherwise I'm completely confused :)
Psychologists say that you need to allow yourself to be funny, let's say less serious, etc., in order to gain evaluative independence.
Here is my stumbling block, please tell me how if I behave in the above way, but I don’t argue, I can be liberated, feel better, I tried it on myself, but if you behave like psychologists say (funny and similar), there is a fear that no one wants to “hang out” and know me, yes, maybe I will be more free to do funny things or ridiculous things, so to speak, but I will be alone because people may think that he is somehow ridiculous and strange.
The same thing about let's say some kind of problem, stuttering, trembling voice, they say you can’t restrain yourself, but allow it to manifest or cause it on purpose, so as not to torment.
Here, regarding the estimated independence, there is my biggest “trick”, I can’t find the answer myself ((.
I would be grateful if you could spend some time on my question. Please share your opinion :).
Best regards,
Dmitry
Olya
29/03/2012 at 01:29
Hello. I am 16 years old. Recently, I have begun to constantly think about death ... the thought that all people will die someday, and so will I .. and I often think about suicide, because life got me (it seems that death for me is the only way out "This started for me since my loved one left me, it happened half a year ago. I still love him, and I can't forget. What should I do? I really want to enjoy life again and not think about death ...
Natalia
27/05/2012 at 19:24
Hello!
If an adult has a fear of sleeping at night without light in complete darkness, can this be somehow cured? If yes, how exactly?
Yana
07/10/2012 at 21:52
Hello, I will soon be 14 years old, my name is Yana! The fact is that I myself do not understand what is happening to me. I used to be beautiful, smart, attended many different circles, there was the meaning of life, I was happy with everything, very sociable , everyone knew me, didn’t worry about the opinions of others, always went forward, they envied me, I had many friends ... In general, I was the most ... Then everything changed in a single day, and I changed myself. I became angry, every day less friends, aggressive, I can’t do anything, I don’t know how to live on, I take it out on everyone or, on the contrary, I can be silent all day, I can never smile for a day, it’s not interesting and impossible to communicate with me, I started to envy, I don’t know what me to be, everyone says to be myself and what am I? I can’t figure out myself ... A lot of thoughts in my head, advice, no answers to questions, no goal, it’s boring like that, but inside it’s empty, there’s nothing, not inside, not in my head ... Sometimes it happens that I take care of myself, etc., but then somehow the desire passes. My friends say that this transitional age will soon pass, it was the same with me ... but it seems to me that the transitional age has nothing to do with it. The rest say set yourself a goal or create it yourself the meaning of life, but how, if I don’t even know what I am ... I liked the old one, but I can’t become the old one, I want, but I can’t, something doesn’t give me. I have a lot of questions and because of this I go crazy …Help me please!!!
julja
27/10/2012 at 17:57
Good evening! I need your advice about relationships in a couple. I am a girl, I am 20 years old. I met a guy (he is 24 years old) for 3 years, and in the 3rd year I found out that I was pregnant. We loved each other very much, I doted on him. He never offended me, respected me and for that I loved him. He and I had never been in a relationship before. We were so happy when we found each other. He is from Belarus and I am from Latvia, it so happened that I came to him for the holidays and then went back home. When he found out that I was pregnant, he was very scared, because they thought that this was not the right time. After long conversations, we decided that we wanted to be together. He made a visa and took me from Latvia to his home. So I did not have time to finish the 12th grade, I had to finish it remotely. He only has a mother, his father abandoned him when he was a child. I have a full-fledged family, and when my parents found out that I was pregnant, they didn’t know what to do, send my only daughter to Belarus. There were many tears, tantrums, but somehow time passed and it became easier. I am from the city and my parents too, but he and his mother are more rural. They have a house in the village and their own farm. It was difficult for me to get comfortable there, but I was able to, for his sake. The pregnancy went well, I gave birth to his son. We would be even happier. So that's the problem, although there is not one problem, but many. It began with the fact that I did not like his mother, she is lonely and always climbed into our relationship. For me, it was a big problem, I perceived her as a rival. After a couple of years and many many quarrels, we have established a relationship. I was wrong and I realized my mistake. Then our relationship with him began to deteriorate. We began to quarrel a lot, constantly did not concede to each other. I myself am very impulsive, and he tolerated me silently for a long time. His silence took me out, and I tried to pull out at least some emotions from him. And in the end I achieved these negative emotions, now he expresses everything to me. When I moved to him, I didn’t know how to cook, but then I learned for his sake. Now I clean and cook and look at the child. Everything seems to be fine, but something always does not suit him. I try!! He works, but does not consider it necessary to give money to me, he thinks that he should help his mother, who always did everything for him. So it turns out that we are in a civil marriage, my parents help me and the child. A utility and food to his mother. I mean, he doesn't do anything he should. We continue to love each other, but life is not working out for us. Everything seems to be against us! We have different interests. Maybe I’m still young and don’t know what I want, but I definitely don’t want to live in the village, I want my own place, and he wants to live with my mother and help her, but when he gets rich, buy a house. I myself understand that I have not achieved anything, but I so want everything at once. We have a lot of problems and questions in our relationship! I am offended that as I gave birth and moved, my life seemed to have stopped, I live at his house and live doing everything for him, but he is for himself. He says that he does not give money because I do not know how to behave. Yes, we fight a lot. But, I still remember how well it all started, how to save our relationship? I don’t like a lot of things, but I can’t live without him and love him for a day! And I know that he me too! He is absolutely not affectionate in itself, he can never hug or kiss, I don’t like that either! I can't talk to him, he walks away from the conversation. At first, we allowed ourselves to call each other names, I realized that once you cross the line of respect, you won’t return anything back. Then we almost got into a fight out of anger, and yesterday we got into a fight, spilled water, coffee, tea on each other, pillows flew rags, name-calling. And waking up in the morning I felt so ashamed of it, I didn’t want it so much, he walks around angry and calls names. It so happens that every quarrel I can’t restrain myself and tell everything to my parents, and today I also told, dad said that he would make a visa and pick us up. He seems to agree, or maybe not, I don't know. Says enough is enough, it can't go on anymore, but this isn't the first time. I know that more than once we will swim. I have a fear that I will hasten to part and then wish, I have already lost the habit of living with my parents, I don’t want to return to this, but I don’t want such a life either. I'm afraid that one child will not pull, I want him to be near. I know that if I leave I will be very bored, I feel good with him but at the same time feel bad. There is pride and I do not want to humiliate myself in front of him. We are like children. I know how to realize my mistake, but he probably doesn’t. I am ashamed in front of everyone that with every quarrel I find myself guilty because I started a conversation. But I just wanted to achieve a change in relations, but it turned out that I did go. I myself do not want and cannot imagine myself with another man, he is the most dear to me. Tell me how should I be? How to save a family?
Julia
14/11/2012at 12:01
Hello!
I am 25 years old, I have such a problem, I do not know how to solve it.
I take everything very close to my heart.
The most terrible problem is when people close to me do not understand me or misunderstand me. It is very important for me what they will say about me, what they will think, etc.
Moreover, if a person whom I don’t know, I don’t care, but who I know, who is dear, I am very worried. For example, I put one thing into thought, but they will understand something completely different.
I want to be understood how I feel, how I feel not in a physical sense, but in a psychological one. I am very worried if even relatives ask some painful question, I can think for a week without ceasing.
My too sharp perception from close people really prevents me from living. What do i do?
alina
12/26/2012 at 12:56 pm
good morning ... I would like to discuss the topic, if possible ... I have a husband, married for 10 years ... I stopped wanting my husband in bed absolutely, moreover, I started to feel embarrassed ... when the act itself comes, I have some kind of stupor, I can’t to endure his caresses and touches ... I always cheated on him, in this way, it seems to me, I am taking revenge on him for the insults inflicted on me ... but with other partners I am very comfortable and I am very relaxed in bed, I even allow them and myself to make very rough bed scenes ... which I don’t let me do it with my husband ... I kind of have a double life and I really like it, it turns me on terribly ... I like other people’s husbands and just other people’s men, after intercourse I don’t need them ... I have some kind of “black widow” syndrome ”, I love men and don’t hate them at the same time ... but I can’t live without my husband, it’s very comfortable for me to live with him ... tell me this is a disease? .. thanks in advance ..
Lesya
21/01/2013 at 15:32
Hello, I’m 24 years old, my man is 29. We’ve known each other for 2 years. The problem is that I don’t trust him. The first year we met, he had no feelings for me, there was only sex. Then we broke up, later got together. And I I saw that the attitude towards me has changed. Now everything is fine, I know that he loves me, appreciates and is afraid to lose. But I remember what bad things he did towards me, and I'm afraid that he can do the same thing again. Trust not at all, I constantly doubt his words. And I understand that there are 2 ways out, either to be with him or to leave, but I consider each one a mistake. If I stay, then suddenly he will hurt me again. And if I leave, then suddenly My doubts are only because of the past, but now everything is really different.
Julia
24/01/2013 at 21:21
Hello. I can’t stand when I want to go to the toilet (it doesn’t matter in what way) Any trip can become a torment, and long-distance ones can be some kind of horror. Or the opportunity to get stuck in a traffic jam (I’m always in the passenger’s seat) For myself, I’m always looking for an “opportunity” if I can find a gas station, a clinic, a cafe, or even bushes. get to your destination. Or the husband says: don’t worry, we’ll definitely think of something and find it, ”I’m calm. But if I don’t see the opportunity for myself to go to the toilet, panic begins: I definitely need a toilet. In the subway, in traffic, I’m afraid to get stuck in the elevator, in transport at rush hour, especially in the morning (when all establishments are still closed) and if I see that I'll be there soon, I might want to. Sometimes you have to go out and look for a "place". I understand that in most cases it is in the head. How can I get rid of these thoughts and fears? It makes it very difficult to live, especially in a large metropolis, where it takes at least an hour to get anywhere.
IR
12/02/2013 at 21:22
Good evening! such a problem here: I have been dating a guy for a year and everything is fine, but as soon as February-March comes, he begins to have some kind of apathetic-depressive state, it happens that it is associated with some kind of failure in school, he says that his mother is still very tired "sawing" with the fact that he should become a good specialist. And from this he begins to reproach himself that he is doing something wrong, he scolds himself. and I just recently said: "I think I'm not worthy of you." I am very worried about this, but I don’t know how to help him, because. during these periods he doesn’t really want to communicate with me, to see me. Maybe you can somehow influence his mother so that she is “softer” with him? Help!
Olka
03/03/2013 at 00:59
Hello!! Half a year ago I met a guy (he and his parents came to me on the DR). He is 18, and I am 16, we met for two months, everything was fine, we walked, corresponded by SMS. He began to ignore SMS, calls! I also didn’t insist for a long time and also stopped writing to call! And that’s EVERYTHING! And today we didn’t communicate anymore! I don’t even know which of us was the initiator, all ties just abruptly cut off! I didn’t care right away, just like him! Then a month later the shock passed and tears began, pain, emptiness, and so on! It seemed like everything should have been the other way around, right away pain and shock, but then it doesn’t matter! Until today, he has already met with two girls and broke up with both! In the first break, he is the initiator, but in the second she excelled! relationship, it feels like he didn’t care at first, I was just a hobby for him! This thought hurts even more! (Although he told his mother that he liked me!) But he didn’t suffer for even a minute! I wanted to take revenge on him somehow! Both of us registered in one of the social networks! And I decided to create a page on someone else's behalf (of course, the girls, let's call her Katya), and just add him as a friend! I understand that it's mean!) So, everything turned out, he added, we started talking Everything seems to be fine! I lied about the age, wrote 18, because knowing him, I understood that he would add a girl to 16 (and that’s not a fact) but he wouldn’t communicate! But they also didn’t communicate for long! That’s not the point, but the fact that I still can’t forget him and switch to someone else! While I don’t see him, everything is fine, as soon as I see him, everything turns over inside! And everything is just super with him (this is from the words of his mother)! Don’t think that I specifically run to his mother and ask about him, our mothers just work together)! And I still love him like a fool! Help, what should I do? How to forget him, and whether to forget at all?
nata
26/03/2013 at 18:47
Hello, I have a difficult situation, only now I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me almost a year ago. Then everything in our relationship was very bad and we did not respect each other, constantly swearing, I kicked him out, said that I didn’t need it, but then they reconciled again .... I myself cheated on him, but a year and a half ago. This betrayal on his and my part was devoid of feelings, happened by chance and was not planned. When I did this, I thought that we were unlikely to be together and he too. He repented very much, said that he simply did not value the relationship then, and now he seriously wants a family with me, says that this will never happen again. I know that I will not do this again, but here he is ... Help me figure it out ..
Ivan
28/03/2013 at 12:57
Hello. I am 16 years old, I am not strong, but fat. I like one girl and I want to propose to her to meet. I have already chosen the day of April 1st. she has a birthday. I'm going to give her a bouquet of roses (9 or 11 roses) and sweets (Raffaella). But I don't know what words to say. I'm afraid that she won't agree with me even just to go for a walk or to the cinema. And I'm lying to her taste. And I’m also afraid that she won’t like me because I’m fat (But at the moment I’ve been on a diet for about a month and a half and have lost about 10-15 kg, I also go to the gym). Tell me what to do, what to say, and how to become more confident? I just never had a girlfriend before. And I'm a little embarrassed by it too.
Oleg
02/05/2013 at 14:29
I am a guy, I am 18 years old, I have a problem with gait, I have it like a girl. When walking, I wag my booty, all my friends laugh at this, and I can’t walk differently. Because of this problem, I often sit at home, I can’t go for a walk with friends, at the university I try to walk as much as possible.
Irina
09/08/2013 at 17:28
I am 30. I have been married for 7 years and have a son for 5 years. In my youth, when I was 17, I was in love with a married man who was almost 15 years older than me. He was a friend and at the same time a colleague of my father, he was well received into our house. He showed signs of attention to me, but he didn’t go beyond that, and I suffered from unrequited love, but at the same time I understood that there could be no development of relations. Subsequently, life divorced my father and this man, I stopped seeing him, for two years I could not forget him. After that, she plunged headlong into her studies and work. Then she met her future husband, started a family, a son was born. Everything is generally good, I can say that I am happy, life is well-established, my husband loves me. But all these years I remembered that man, my unrequited love, and it seemed to me that I would never experience the feeling that I experienced then, in my youth, and my feelings for my husband are completely different, not so strong. And so in May of this year, we began to communicate with that man (my first love) through social networks, communicated for three weeks almost every day in the evenings, when my husband and his wife fell asleep. Then they started talking on the phone. And soon met, the first time after 12 years. And everything began to spin, I again had a feeling of love, inspiration, happiness, his calls, our meetings in secret from the family, forced lies to relatives. It seemed to me that he was covered by the same. Then for the first time in 7 years I succumbed to temptation and cheated on my husband. So 2 months passed, after which his calls became less and less, he no longer sought a meeting with me as before, but rather I wanted this more. Forgetting about my female pride, I began to call him more often, I got so used to him, became attached to him in this short time, he spoke to me all the same warmly and gently, but even then I understood that everything was declining. One day he called me and said that he had family problems associated with the purchase (as it turned out) of a stolen phone, and he needed to “disappear” for a month, and he really disappeared. And now for the second week there are no calls, no communication in the social. network, although his phone is in range. Is it really like this, in order to avoid explanations, he decided to end our relationship, realizing that these relations still have no future. All my thoughts about him, nothing pleases me, I try to distract myself with the help of work, I work with my child, we go to the cinema, parks with my son, and in the evening melancholy and depression again overcome me, at night, when my husband falls asleep, I sit at the computer, listen to music and I sob out loud. It just all ended somehow incomprehensibly, unsaid, I still do not believe that the past cannot be returned. How can I calm down, stop thinking about him, no longer hope for anything and return to my old life?
Julia
24/10/2013 at 11:41
Hello! I'm 21 and can't seem to find a boyfriend. I'm not terrible, a little plump, sociable, but I didn't go further than friendship with guys. Flowers and gifts were never given. There were some without initiative, all the time they found excuses why they couldn’t be with me - too young, not to their taste, we live far away, I’m too old for you, etc. The worst thing is that I got into the habit of climbing first - I liked the guy on the network, I will write to him, but the end is the same for everyone - he will leave, or retire from friends, regardless of whether we see each other or not. I read a lot of books but all to no avail, because everything in life is more complicated. I am sometimes depressed by the fact that I impose myself on people, I know that men are hunters by nature, but I'm tired of feeling like an empty place. Only concerned people pestered me (they talked about sex and asked to show their breasts and other places) I sifted them out. No one has ever molested me in a good way, for example, go on a date, this is all I bother. The last straw was when a man sat in my arms in a minibus and said that he didn’t notice me)))) I know that I need to change my behavior, but it doesn’t work out ... if I like someone, I try to please and face ignoring ... I can’t pretend that I don’t know something and don’t know how, or lie like some people do when they meet - I don’t have a watch, I can’t swim, etc. I can’t be a mystery girl, as they advise, it annoys me and understatement is the same as a lie. In general, please help in any way you can, otherwise I feel like a defective product
Sergey
03/12/2013 at 14:54
Hello. I need the help of a psychologist. I am 25 years old. The fact is that I experience an emotional (sensual) attraction to guys, which may indicate that I am gay. It started a long time ago, back in school, but then I did not attach any importance to this, did not give vent to feelings. It so happened that the boys did not accept me, so to speak, into their company right away - from the 1st grade. They called me “sissy” (my mother took me to school until high school) and “fat trust” (I have been overweight since childhood), I was “downtrodden”, I could not resist, in the end, I had to move away from the guys and be friends with girls, they turned out to be more tolerant and loyal. When I studied at a technical school, there were only 3 guys in our group, for health reasons I had a free visit, so here again my inclinations did not appear. Now, due to a disability group (I have epilepsy), I cannot find a job, even at home. Now, of course, I understand that I am probably a homosexual, because of my health I rarely go out without my mother, we live together, my mother divorced my father, but he periodically calls and comes in. I didn't have any serious relationship with anyone, I didn't even kiss once. I have no brothers and sisters. I don’t know why, but I “came out of the closet” - I told my mother about my orientation. Mom began to insist that I was mistaken, I just lacked male friendship, I explained that I lacked neither friendship, but love. I want to explain what exactly I am missing: a handsome guy of my age, I dream of living with him, falling asleep and waking up together, sharing joy and sorrow, feeling his warmth and tenderness, kissing him, I need a person who will love me the way I am there is, who will love just for what I am! I want to note an important detail: sex is not the main thing for me, I am against any anal sex, my mother says that such relationships are impossible without anal sex, I know that this is not so. More than once I have read on the Internet profiles of gays who say that they are against anal sex and other perversions. I recently found out that there are baggers, they are not necessarily gay. A lot of the bagger style can be attributed to me: I like sports loose clothes, sweatshirts with a hood, I have a short haircut, I always shave my temples carefully, I do not accept perverted sex, bad habits and profanity. I seem to be a fetish bagger, not only do I like to wear sportswear, I like to see it on other guys, I like guys in this clothes more than in general naked. It turns out that I am looking for a friend with whom you can live together and give your love at least all your life. But bagging is not a sexual orientation, I read that you can be attracted to guys and still be straight. In general, I'm confused: am I a bagger or not, gay or straight! Mom does not believe in any bagging, advises me to stop digging into this, stick my head in the sand, like an ostrich, and pretend that everything is fine, they say: 25 years somehow lived without love - you will live more, it's better than throwing into debauchery, endure ridicule and hatred (they will definitely be) and burn in hell after death. Mom also says that I have been an adult for a long time, so I have the right to pack my things and go anywhere and do anything, but in her apartment she will not tolerate debauchery. I am from a small provincial town, I tried to enter into friendly Internet correspondence with guys and girls, but they were not from my city, in addition, correspondence will not replace a live person. There are no psychological help centers in our city (I would like to get the help of a specialist, but it’s not only the absence of one, we hardly have enough money to pay for consultations), so I decided to talk about my problem online. I want answers: who am I: a bagger, a gay or a gay bagger? If I'm really gay, how can I change my sexual preference? After all, my mother has very conservative views, other relatives, by the way, do not know yet. Throwing everything and everyone, embarking on an adventure, I have no opportunity. I wanted to tell my cousin (he is an oncologist), but I myself am afraid, and my mother does not advise. I hope to get at least some answers and help! Thanks in advance!
Sergey
13/12/2013 at 14:18
Good afternoon. Can you recommend me any literature that will help me deal with my problem? I don't have the money to pay for consultations. Thanks for the help!
vlad
14/01/2014 at 17:55
Tell me how can I at least start loving myself? Find something to start striving for? And so that there is a desire to live?
Since childhood, I have experienced indifference to loved ones, that is. for example: I’m walking down the street with a girl and someone started to pester her at that moment, I would have experienced indifference towards her. But in childhood there were situations much more important and more serious, I’m not sure that I experienced indifference or fear, etc. . I think it was with me from the very beginning. Having experienced this indifference to loved ones, that I could not protect them, etc. I wanted to live. I didn’t want such a childhood, I wanted to live my life quietly and calmly. I was calm from childhood, because I didn’t experience anything, I analyzed the situation and did something. I didn’t care about anything anymore, I didn’t make friends, I was calmer when I was alone, because after experiencing indifference many times I began to think about death more often, I began to lose interest in life. Then I put up with it, at some time I decided I needed to start living and it lasted for me until I experienced a new feeling, I call it a feeling of emptiness, I don’t know how to explain it, well, when I experienced it, I was talking with a friend and at one moment I experienced emptiness inside and around myself too, for a moment it seemed to me everything that I saw was empty, it seemed to me that the only way out was death, but I somehow managed to restrain myself. All this put a lot of pressure on me, but that was not all. I saw the aspirations of all the people who were there for life, but I haven’t had this since childhood and it seemed to me that I was superfluous here, in the end it put a lot of pressure on me. And right now I’m in the neutral zone between death and life, like a scale , it became indifferent to me whether I will live or I will die. I have lost interest in life. and the cup is more inclined towards death. Of course, there are things that I like, for example, I like basketball when I play I forget about everything, but this cannot be used forever There comes a time when you need to throw things away.
Anastasia
20/01/2014 at 13:27
"Hello! I urgently need your help. The fact is that I met a guy, I loved him very much, and still love him, but he is my ex. We parted on his initiative, so he found himself a girlfriend. The question still bothers me is why? After all, he called me with his family to the sea, he only said that I should think faster (I knew that my parents would not let me go, since I was 17 years old (I told him about it, in response I heard - talk to them (Then he fell silent for 3 days, I wrote to him that I love him, and he said - prove your love for me, and I will be with you forever.Then a few days later he wrote that he had a bad heart, asked for help, said he believed me that I love him. Then he disappeared for a week (after I wrote to him, he ignored me, and then he wrote, I’m sorry, I can’t be with you, I have a girlfriend, she’s 23. I wished him good luck and happiness, and disappeared from his life, I didn’t write to him so it went on for about a month, and he wrote himself, asked why I didn’t write to him. Well, we corresponded for a week somewhere, until he stopped writing to me. And again we didn’t communicate for 2 months. it was very bad, but as soon as I started to calm down, he writes to me, hello) well, did she find a guy? I was shocked, answered no, he fell silent ... again I went around not myself for 3 days, I didn’t understand why he was interested in it. And now he writes again after 4 days - well, that she found a guy, only honestly ... I decided to ask and wrote - why are you interested in this? he wrote - just say yes or no ... and deleted me from friends, I answered that I didn’t have a boyfriend - I heard it - you have a boyfriend, I found out everything about you, you are now happy with us, well, well ..., and more didn't write anything. Then his girlfriend decided to write to me, she wrote to me that I was behaving like a girl of easy virtue so that I would not touch him, etc., I told her about the correspondence, she said that she knew about her and that he explained it to her so someone told him that I have a boyfriend, and he decided to find out for sure, and if I had one, he would be glad that I wouldn’t beat him up., to be honest, it doesn’t look like the truth - who could tell him this, if I do not communicate with his friends, and he with mine? this is first. Secondly, if he is in a relationship, what difference does it make to him what is happening in my life? and thirdly, I didn’t write to him first, from the moment I found out about that girl. -how could I zadalbyvat him, the fact that I exist at all or something? It seems to me that he just saw my status on the VKontakte social network, I wrote there, happy,,. The same girl also wrote to my mother, saying that she should talk to me that you can’t get into someone else’s family, and that they live together and soon the wedding, at that time they met for 4 months. he's 20, she's 23, if that matters. I understand that he made his choice, and I do not blame him, but I still love him very much. To be honest, I’m tired of these tears and tantrums, of course he doesn’t know about them, and it’s good that he doesn’t know ... I still miss him, cry and think about him, no matter how hard I tried to forget him, distract him, everything was in vain ... I forgave him literally everything, and now I would forgive him, I’m ready for anything for him, but I don’t have the right to force him to be with me, and I don’t want to impose my love ... I just can’t understand why he asked about the guy? why did he write at all, he knew that we would not be friends ... I don’t understand what happened, why did he find a girlfriend and go to the sea with her? Was I just a fallback? maybe in vain I trusted him and showed how much I love him? Maybe I've gone crazy? Please help me, I can't find a place for myself("
Andrey
08/04/2014 at 01:12
Hello. I have a problem. My wife and I divorced 2 years ago. Lived together for 9 years. There is an 11 year old son. I left the family for another woman. I could not live with a woman for a long time, because I understood that I still love and miss my wife. I returned to the family and saw how hard it was for my wife after my betrayal and left again. In this way, I tried to return several times, as I began to miss my wife madly. As a result, I can not build any new relationships. Now I understand that I am ready to change my life and I understand that I will be happy only with my ex-wife, but at the moment she does not even want to talk to me. He says that he no longer has feelings for me, although I am sure that there is. She's just used to living without me. Tell me how can I get her back?
Natalia
01/05/2014 at 11:22
Help me to understand! I am 45 years old, I look 35, despite being overweight. Zero self esteem. I had my own business, quite successful, folded 2 years ago. Daughter - 10 years old, her husband left when she was not yet a year old. After that, there were no thoughts about men. A year and a half ago I ended up in the hospital with hypertension, the doctors, as one, did not even hint, but openly spoke about the need for an intimate life for health.
After I met a man (ultrasound doctor, 40 years old), I fell in love almost immediately, we have been dating for almost 1.5 years. Interested in his originality, sense of humor, independence, and, despite the fact that he showed a desire to meet, fickleness. At the beginning of the relationship, he said that the last connection ended a month ago, but his initial message was on the topic of meetings for sex. After six months of relationship and his declarations of love (meetings 2-3 times a week), a feeling crept in that something was wrong ( meetings are always regulated by time, although he is not married and lives with his dad, he doesn’t answer some calls in my presence, sometimes he doesn’t answer my calls either, once I heard him talking on the phone clearly with a girl when he stayed with me.Shock!
looking at his phone, calls and SMS, was horrified! He communicates Constantly (i.e. with a daily phone call) with me and with one more girl who was before me, but plus at least two more periodically. It hurts a lot, but I can’t refuse to meet him, I’m always looking for excuses, like, maybe this is not what I think about, although I clearly see SMS, in which he writes “Thank you for a great day” just when He didn't call me or answer my calls. Answers my questions, then I myself come up with everything, and that there is no need to bother.
In relationships, of course, he occupies a leading position. But, he says that he is sorry that I am no longer so persistent on the issue of meetings. Oh, by the way, unlike the first few dates, now all the expenses for restaurants, theaters, vouchers, and even food and drinks for dinner at a meeting are borne only by me (the doctors say they have a beggarly salary and he pays alimony). To relieve tension (I can’t tell him that I saw his correspondence) I started drinking. A bottle of wine a day has already reached. What can be done in this situation? When I think about a break, life seems meaningless.
Natalia
05/05/2014 at 19:48
Help please, what should I do?
I met with a young man, but after some time I left him, I myself can’t really say why, he tried to return everything, but I refused, I was afraid that it would hurt me and him again. And I asked him not to write to me anymore. But after a while I understand that I love him and ended the relationship in vain, I start writing to him that I miss him, but after a couple of minutes I receive an SMS from a friend that he has another. Then I start to get hysterical, I ask him if this is true, he replies that yes, that they have recently been together, but he does not love her. But she’s not going to leave and return to me, she says that she’s just sorry for her. Tell me what's next? 'cause I love him...
Inna
19/06/2014 at 16:01
Hello!
Help, please advice. I had a girlfriend since high school.
I was unsure of myself, she was lively, loved to lead, I let her, I considered her better, smarter, more interesting than myself. When we got older, both were married, such relationships began to strain me, I stopped communicating with her, I felt that a person likes superiority, to be better in everything, to criticize me. She did not consider it necessary to keep promises, to be interested, for example, in my condition after the operation. More recently, she suddenly appeared in my life, it turned out that trouble happened in her life.
The son died, and later another child with a disability was born.
She urged me to return to her life, her husband, who used to treat me not very warmly, reproached me for leaving his wife. Her friend talked about how she needed me, asked me not to leave her old friend, it was very difficult for her. But the thing is, I don't like talking to her. She compares me to herself all the time, wants superiority. At the same time, the feeling of guilt does not leave that I will refuse a person in a difficult life situation. What's the best way to do it?
Ira
07/07/2014 at 17:07
Good afternoon This is such a difficult situation. I met a guy 5 years ago, everything was fine, then it turned out that he had a girlfriend. I told him then that we could not communicate with him for this reason, but he insisted very much and we were just friends. but once every six months, somewhere, he broke up with that girl and then tried to somehow start a relationship with me. and then he returned to her again. I liked him from the very beginning, I fell in love with him, but seeing that his girlfriend never allowed him to even hug me. but because of these partings with her, it seemed to me that he was not indifferent to me, this went on several times, but then he still chose me. And that girl tried to return, but he rejected her and soon she married another man. everything worked out fine for her, and he began to resent, get angry, wrote nasty things to her. but then he periodically left me, meeting with others. But in December of this year, he returned to me again, swore in love that he could not live without me. I forgave him, everything was fine, a year passed. and yesterday he was asked questions anonymously on the Internet, like he would like to return to that former. he did not answer them, but told me that it would be good to ask her forgiveness for everything. I am terribly restless, it seems to me that I am to blame for both him and her that we have had such a triangle for many years. but I never wanted anything bad for her and always let him go from me, thinking if “mine will come back”, although I value them very much. but I fear for the future, I began to get sick often, my mother also died after a long illness six months ago. What should I do in such a situation?
Svetlana
04/08/2014 at 11:52
Hello!
I met a guy for a year, as soon as I raised the question of how to move to a new level, we had a fight for a month, we didn’t communicate, I already represented him as my husband, I wanted children from him, and he told me that we were breaking up. After another month, I tried to renew the relationship, he did not want to see me, but I insisted on a meeting, when the meeting took place, he said that he did not love me anymore, and through force he did not want to meet with me. It's been three months, I tried to find a new relationship, I went on dates, but I can't forget him. I really want to return him back, but I understand that this is no longer possible. How can I relieve this pain. I really want to write to him about my feelings, but I already wrote and called, spoke, and in response only cold and silence. My heart is empty, there were big plans for this person, by winter I already wanted to get pregnant, and now life has become empty. I am 32 years old and I do not want to look for a replacement, I am tired of these endless searches and acquaintances. I don't want to let anyone else into my soul.
Basil
08/04/2015 at 13:02
I am 29 years old.
Wife is also 29 years old. We dated for two years and have been married for almost a year. Have no children. The wife got a job as a teacher at the university. The following happened: before the new year, one student began to write to Zhenya on a page in the social network.
Ask non-intrusive questions, etc. She did not show her face and in every possible way made it clear to him that he would stop doing this. My wife went on vacation for two months, as did this student. This is where it all started. He began to write to her more often and she began to have dialogues with him. Everything was so twirled, spun in correspondence, that they switched to you. Then there were conversations: “I miss”, “kiss”, “I want you”. At both sides. He wrote that he wanted her to be his and with him. But sometimes, the wife wrote that she loved her husband and that all these dialogues should be stopped. Phone conversations followed. Two months later, I caught her texting. During these two months they never met, although he proposed to her. Either she refused, or she said that it was necessary to meet and dot the “and”. For all these two months, according to my wife, no changes were visible. She cooked dinner the same way, behaved the same way in bed and treated me the same way as before. I didn’t throw a tantrum, I sat down and talked. I asked her what was missing from me? What did I do wrong? The answer startled me. She said that everything suits her, that she loves me very much and that if I give her a chance, she will be ready for anything. She even agrees to “work” on children. Although she was not ready yet and we planned to do this in half a year, a year. To the question: “why did you do this”, she answers that she does not know how it happened, she says that she played too much. As a person, it is very difficult for her to make physical contact with someone. She is an educated person. But now I do not believe her, although I would very much like to. There was no physical contact 100 percent. We have been living with this for more than a month, but it does not get out of my head. I think about it all the time. She still goes to work and sees this student. I exchanged a few phrases with him on the phone: - Do you know that she is married?
-Yes!
-Did you understand everything?
-Yes!.
He understood what I wanted to convey to him.
They threw out the card from the phone, deleted the page in social networks. She promised to tell the truth, no matter how cruel it was. I believe and don't believe at the same time. This situation does not go out of my head. Tell me if you can overcome yourself and if it's worth it. Although, I really want to save our relationship and save our family.