Psychologist Questions and Answers: Love Pill

Question for a psychologist:

Hello! This is the situation I have, probably quite banal, but, nevertheless, I don’t know what to do. A little over a year ago, I went for an examination at the medical center and there I met the one whom I now love more than anything in the world. Now we have only business relations, besides, he is married, but, as they say, you can’t command your heart, and everyone has only one advice: forget it. But it is very difficult. Is it possible for me to be with this person in this situation?

Thank you! Tatiana, St. Petersburg

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Tatiana!

So sweet, you ask me for a pill for love, which, as you yourself probably understand, I do not have. And believe me, if such a pill ever appears on the shelves of our pharmacies, I will be among the first to run after this miracle ...

I don't quite understand what "business relationship" means in your case. Do you work together? Or just come to him for advice (and not only for her alone)?

Also, I can only guess what is really bothering you. If we are talking about the fact that there is unrequited love on your part, while a friend is completely calm about this, then what can I say, there are chagrins in life. In the end, you are unlikely to succeed in making him fall in love with you against his will. And here it remains only to accept and wait until time heals the wounds. Maybe it is worth limiting all possible contacts with a person so that “healing” takes place faster and less painfully? Because every time you see him, your wounds, which started to heal yesterday, reopen and begin to hurt with even greater strength and sharpness.

If the problem is that he is married and this fact is the only obstacle to your happiness, but at the same time he seems to be not at all averse, but such a circumstance ... Then this is a completely different question.

I am sure that all your surroundings are telling you to leave this venture, arguing that you cannot build your happiness on someone else's misfortune, etc. I will neither support nor refute this opinion. And everyone chooses for himself what is closer to him and how he goes along his own path of life. In any case, you will always find justifications for your behavior and will find a lot: and his family is not so strong; and no children yet; and in general, he does not love his wife at all, but everything will change in his life with the appearance of me in her ... I just want to help you clearly understand and be strict about what you are doing, and what the consequences may be. You certainly understand that you are invading someone else's family! What if this family is really happy? And here you take such a sudden and impossible thing and just destroy everything that they created together. Of course, I understand that we always consider ourselves a ruble more expensive, otherwise it’s impossible, but even if you still manage to take a man away from the family, no one will give you guarantees that one day the same young and beautiful will not take him away from you. Only then will you be the wife ...

You must clearly distinguish what exactly you need from this man. If taking him away from the family is not an end in itself for you, and the comrade turned out to be persistent and actively took up courtship, then the responsibility for everything that happens between you falls equally on the shoulders of both. But will the role of a lover suit you, a woman who certainly needs love, attention and an elementary candy-bouquet period? When all the holidays and weekends - he is with his family! He comes to your house only when it is convenient for him! Your mood and well-being will not worry anyone, since you are a mistress who should always be healthy and in a good mood! And what about the moment when you once want to spend a vacation together or give birth to a child, and he will tell you something like: “You know, dear, but I have a family, and you knew it very well, and I will spend my vacation with them and give birth to children I'll be there too!

I do not claim that this is your case, but I urge you before you plunge into the pool with your head, think about the possible options, weigh all the pros and cons, and only after making an informed decision, hit the road! And you must make this choice on your own, without relying on someone else's opinion, advice and condemnation. After all, if you still decide and come to the conclusion that this man is the only one you need, you will have to fight for your happiness, and a difficult struggle, you must be ready for this.

Believe in yourself and be yourself!

Good luck!