Hello! My question is: I don’t know how to communicate with my ex-husband?
We lived 5 years in a civil marriage. The child is now 3 years old. There was everything from my side, and from him, but more from my pregnancy: these are tantrums, jealousy, fights (then he also began to put his hands on it). We diverged constantly and converged, converged recently on my initiative. 2 times they applied to the registry office, but before registration they swore and parted.
The last time it happened the same. We had a fight 3 days before registration. He went on business without me, I flared up. He sent me, then said: if you behave like this, I will take you back to your mother. Of course, I was offended, packed my things, and he took me to my mother. At first I was waiting for him, I thought he would come to his senses. We haven't lived together for 1.5 years now.
He rarely comes to the child, 1-2 times a month, and if we quarrel, he may not come for 2-3 months. It hurts me to see him. So I tried to forbid coming, but he still came. He did not pay alimony, only now he began to pay a little. When I try to be like friends with him, he is either rude or does not pick up the phone. Everything seems to be fine, but we begin to argue how to treat the child, he is one thing, I am another. And again I hear that I am a fool, that there are no brains.
As soon as I yell at him, he immediately becomes silk. And a couple of times during the showdown he said: “You know that it’s impossible to get along.” And when I asked to talk to my ex-wife in a normal tone (that is, with me), he replied: “You have never been my wife.”
Help build relationships. And then I don't know what to do. Svetlana.
How to communicate with an ex-husband? Psychologist's answer.
Hello!
The topic, unfortunately, is urgent, but it is a fact.
It’s better to start with the understanding that no one can change another person, the only thing that can really change is your attitude towards your ex-husband and the situation. You must clearly understand for yourself what you want from your ex-husband and relations with him! Not your parents, not the needs of the child, but you!
It is important to be extremely honest with yourself. Give yourself time, weigh all the arguments, refresh your memories and understand what you want to get. Based on the decision, and you need to act.
If your ex-husband wants to communicate with the child, and you see that this need is real - by forbidding these meetings, you are unlikely to achieve anything better than another scandal. Why are you in conflict? You do not live with this person for quite a long time, does it matter what his views on your methods of treatment and you personally are?
If it is absolutely impossible to refrain from commenting, avoid talking: you came, handed over the child, after a while they took the child away, said goodbye. Do not give him a reason to amuse his ego by belittling yours. Keep communication to a minimum.
He insists on a conversation - they listened, nodded, moved on and forgot. Agree, many conflicts can be avoided by stopping them in their infancy. Try playing different roles and see how they react. If for a year and a half the tactics you have chosen lead to the same conflict, this tactic is not good, it torments both you and your partner.
I don’t think that the ex-husband comes to your house just to quarrel, and if so, then without giving him these emotions, you will gradually drive him away from the house. Try! What was, you already see what will be - look again.
Believe in yourself and be yourself!
Good luck!
