8 tips to ruin your wedding

I happened to attend a wedding the other day. So instructive that it can easily be used to write a textbook on the topic: "how to ruin your own wedding." So, a short story for those who wish to learn from the mistakes of others.

It all started with the fact that we were asked to organize the ransom of the bride. We honestly and conscientiously thought out contests, came up with tricky questions, drew footprints, posters and prepared pockets for money 🙂

The start of the ransom is scheduled for 8 am, and the departure to the registry office for painting is scheduled for 9-30. When we arrived, there was still neither the groom nor the bride, she lingered at the hairdresser's, and he - he was incomprehensible where and in what condition after the Friday bachelor party.

So tip #1. If you want to ruin your wedding, throw a hen and stag party the night before. So that the face is swollen, the eyes are red, and you are inadequate until noon.

The bride appeared half an hour later, and the bridesmaids began to dress her. The calculation was that while the groom at the entrance and in front of the door ransoms the bride, she will be dressed. But the unexpected happened: one of the girlfriends tugged hard on the lacing and pulled out the loop in the dress. I had to sew right on the go. Good thing the groom was still late.

So tip #2. If you want to ruin the wedding, then in no case do not leave time in reserve. Hope everything goes according to a well-planned schedule.

The groom, in general, appeared 10 minutes before departure, gave us some money on the go, and we all rushed together to the registry office.

By the way, the ransom (however bad it may be) could not be captured on video. The videographer was ordered immediately to the registry office, and the bride's brother was asked to bring the video camera for fees and ransom. I quote verbatim: “Do you have a camera? Take it in the morning." He actually brought her. Only no one bothered to remind that the disks are also needed, but he - well, did not think. There is no time to buy them on Saturday at 9 am, and there is no time already.

So tip #3. No need to appoint responsible for filming, seating guests. Everything will work out by itself.

We rush to the registry office. By the way, we were in an unfamiliar city and, of course, our 2 cars did not know the way to the registry office. The bride and groom promised to put us in the middle of the motorcade and take us to our destination, but for some reason they forgot to inform the car drivers about this. They, accordingly, rushed forward in unison, and we fell behind in just a couple of blocks.

Well, it is not necessary for all guests to be present at the mural, it is much more pleasant for them to look for the right path and stand in traffic jams.

So tip #4. If you want to spoil the wedding, then refuse to draw up a route of movement and do not bring it to the attention of all participants in the motorcade. And it’s not at all worth moving in paired mode, let the guests suffer until they arrive at the place of celebration.

We still had time to paint, because the young people and guests, who arrived there on time, waited for their turn for another full hour. Well, this nuance can hardly be attributed to the conscience of the young, because, unfortunately, many government agencies work this way.

Then we went to take pictures in the park. I won't mention that our cars fell behind in the capital's traffic again. It's already boring.

In preparation for the walk, the organizers did their best. They took wine, cognac, vodka, champagne, a mountain of various sandwiches and sweets. Only now they forgot about drinks for non-drinkers, among whom were drivers, a photographer, a nursing mother, a pregnant woman, and children. It was probably thought that after a trip along dusty roads in a stuffy car, they would not want to drink in any case.

So tip #5. The main thing at the wedding is booze, take it at the rate of “0.5 per brother + 1”. Anyone who doesn't drink is an idiot.

The rest of the guests were invited immediately to the banquet hall. The fact that the cars that went for a walk were late for an hour does not even deserve attention. This usually happens at all weddings: guests gather and wait for the arrival of the newlyweds.

It was sad that there were no places for 8 people in the cafe. They were included in the order, but the cafe staff made a mistake, and no one guessed to check (the young, of course, do not have the opportunity, and no one reminded their parents). Yes, then you can demand a discount from the administrator for embarrassment, etc., but how to apologize to the guests who came in the midst of a feast (they said that they would arrive later) and stand, wait for the tables to be moved, appliances to be placed and ordinary chairs to be brought (no one was waiting for the wedding covers to be put on the chairs).

It was also uncomfortable for children of 5-10 years of age, who were seated at a separate table and put in front of them the same food as in front of adults. It would be much more correct (and cheaper) to create your own menu for them: mashed potatoes, meatballs, possibly sliced. Parents will understand me, because they know that a rare child dares to try this amazing salad with shrimp, squid, bell pepper, onion and basil.

So tip #6. If you want to ruin your own wedding, then do not appoint responsible people who, upon arrival at the restaurant, will check the number of seats, arrange landing cards, and control whether the loaf and wedding cake have been brought. You should not take the time to create a competent menu, taking into account the wishes of all guests. A good option to spoil the wedding is to sway about the fact that among the guests there are children, vegetarians, teetotalers or dieters.

Our fun would not have been so "fun" if it were not for the toastmaster, who was chosen to be the toastmaster at the wedding. Not only did she resemble a pioneer leader with all her appearance and manners, but she also behaved similarly. Her first appeal to the guests: “So, everyone undressed and lined up here” no longer bode well.

Yes, in fact, her competitions were also not up to par. Boring, boring, not funny. Reading the horoscopes of newlyweds, interpreting their names from the point of view of married life, reading proverbs and sayings about marriage and family is probably only relevant for weddings of Old Believers and ardent adherents of traditions: do it this way and not otherwise.

But most of all I was angered, upset, upset (I don’t even know how to say it) by the following fact. Of course, at every wedding, guests from the side of the bride are just waiting for a reason to decorate either the bride’s shoe, then her necklace, or even the young one herself.

At this wedding, after we came to demand a ransom for the stolen bride, the toastmaster gave me a 5-minute lecture that the theft was not agreed with her, that the theft of the bride was planned for her at a later time, and indeed - hot will be served soon, so we should immediately return the bride and take our places at the table.

Yes, it was possible to argue for a long time, to take the ransom into our own hands, BUT ... But we thought that we didn’t need scandals at the wedding of loved ones. And the groom showed with all his appearance that he would not participate in our stupid competitions. In general, we returned the bride, and no one knew that she had been stolen at all. And a little later, at the command of the toastmaster, the bridegroom's guests stole the bride's shoe, and they ransomed it.

So tip #7. Do not take the choice of toastmaster very responsibly, give her carte blanche, well, tell her, let her “in the bud” ruin all the initiatives of the guests. They will have so much fun.

An unpleasant incident occurred with the witness. Apparently, he was not warned that a wedding for witnesses is a huge job and responsibility. And on this holiday, this “miracle” got so drunk that it disappeared for an hour and a half (either I went to sleep in the car, or somewhere else).

So tip #8. Yes, actually, there is nothing to advise. Everything is clear without words. Since the best friend, he will definitely be a witness, despite the fact that he does not know how to control himself .

The rest of the wedding was monotonous. We ate, went out for a smoke break, shouted “bitterly”, went home.

Yes, there were positive moments: delicious food, a good wedding photographer, beautiful music, a hall, spectacular fireworks. But will you and your guests remember this after a couple of years?

Think about it. And never take the organization of important celebrations so lightly, only if you do not want to ruin your own wedding.

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