Question for a psychologist:
Hello! My daughter Anya is 1 year and two months old. And she constantly begins to show aggressiveness in case she was not given something or she doesn’t like something, then she begins to “demand”: scream, throw everything that comes to hand, push, fall to the floor, etc. . The child is naughty. What to do? How to avoid this, and how to explain to a child (at her age) that this is wrong?
Psychologist's answer: problems of the child's behavior.
Hello!
As you know, children are the flowers of life, which, at times, turn out to be quite whimsical in their care.
Because I don’t have my own children yet, I will build all my reasoning on this topic based on the wisdom and experience of my well-known fellow psychologists in this field.
How to properly raise a child is of interest to almost all parents. You are not alone in your question. First of all, you need to determine how you have built up the upbringing of your daughter all year and two months from the moment of birth.
The problem of the relationship between parents and children does not arise overnight. If until now you have given and allowed absolutely everything to the child, no matter what he asked, then there is nothing to be surprised that now, not receiving what was previously given at the first call, the child begins to demand, wondering what led to such changes. in the behavior of parents. And this is quite logical, because the child simply does not understand what is happening and why, where before there was an unconditional "yes", today - a peremptory "no". Difficult children grow and develop under your watchful eye.
Another point is if you remained unchanged in relation to the upbringing policy throughout the entire period of raising your daughter, and the child began to demand his own long before he got on his feet. Here the most common attempt to attract parents to their person can take place, the child requires attention , apparently he lacks it. And this does not mean at all that you are a useless mother, just at this age, children, like nothing else, need emotional support, be it hugging, stroking or just touching.
Unfortunately, our Soviet upbringing taught us one thing: the more you stroke a child, the more you spoil him. No no and one more time no! The child needs tactile sensations as in the air, especially in the early stages of development. Simply put, you can talk to your baby for hours and still not allow touching, which will be less effective in terms of his development than just hugging him without saying a word.
You need to clearly understand that the child is what his parents "made" him. Of course, there are children with an increased level of anxiety, nervousness and aggression, but, again, this is not his fault, but only a consequence of the upbringing of parents and the situation in the family (I do not take into account genes and pathology). First of all, pay attention to your approach to raising your daughter, and, quite possibly, you will find an explanation for some of Anya's behavior.
Rules for raising children.
What is also important in the process of education is the rules. Every child should have rules, but they should not be too many and they should be flexible. In no case should an authoritarian style of upbringing be allowed, such as "a fist on the table, I said so, it will be in my opinion." The rules must be agreed upon by the parents among themselves, otherwise, when each parent bends his own line, and even in opposition to the second parent, the child is lost, and sometimes takes the side of the one whose conditions he prefers.
The rules for children should not be in the form of an order, but should be communicated in a “friendly explanatory” tone with a mandatory explanation of why this is so and not otherwise. And finally, if you still say “no”, then this, firstly, must be argued, and secondly, unconditionally. There should be no “if you really want, but you can’t, then you can”; it only undermines the authority of the parent in the eyes of the child!
There is nothing that a loving parent cannot cope with in the process of raising his beloved child. For a better understanding of exactly how a child should be raised so that neither Anna nor you are excruciatingly painful, I recommend reading the book by Yu.B. Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?”, which describes in simple terms not only the mechanisms of children's behavior, but also methods of working with them. Believe in yourself and be yourself!
Good luck!
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